Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I didn't notice because vodka
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
