saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
