there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
