Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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