not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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