you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
