I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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