my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
not ubering you a puppy
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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