I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize