he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
This house was built for laser tag.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
