All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize