just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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