TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
cat food counts as protein by the way
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
