the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
