eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
