im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
