we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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