If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
it glows. i had to have it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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