You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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