i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Do you have feelings for this penis?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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