i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
