just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
