I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
