Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
