everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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