I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
