Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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