craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
