our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
