college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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