Tell her she can't have a vagina
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
