I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
