we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
