I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
