i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
