when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
