I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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