Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
