Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
