i just google imaged poop.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
