just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize