I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
