so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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