I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
