We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
