DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
