if i can run in heels then i can drive
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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