I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
