they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
