I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
