And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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