11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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