i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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