I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize