watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Pooping to opera.
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