this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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