Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
sex in a hospital.. check
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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