he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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