i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
