We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
