How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
