nut hugger
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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