I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
