So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize