tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My vagina is officially offended.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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