dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
