what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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