sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
